dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I love you. Go after that dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
