went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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