Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm getting married
To pizza
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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