Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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