She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
