I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
