so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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