my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
