Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
