Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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