I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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