then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
