Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
