pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
