DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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