I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
