Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it because I queefed?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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