My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Welp...herpes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
