meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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