Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
