My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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