Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
