It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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