it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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