I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
