is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
