evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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