do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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