turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
