Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
