we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
