I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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