he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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