Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
