Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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