I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
