4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
