Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize