if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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