you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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