I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
