Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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