We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
