we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
