During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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