True but thats because hes a fetus.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize