After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
