I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
