the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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