fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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