It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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