Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
