so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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