Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
