she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
