i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
