I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
