I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
