College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
