Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
