Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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