let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize