Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
