I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
