How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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