there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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