i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
